The Wedding, the heist, Jesse's gift and Johnny C

Oh, so you are all DYING to know the story. I just can feel it in my bones!

We wake up to gray skies on Saturday morning, the day Sean Busby is about to marry Mollie Shambeau in Waupaca, Wisconsin. No worries, we know Jesse will be there to help out on his 15th birthday to keep the rain away. We all expected an amazing sign from Jesse, counted on it really.

You see a week before my beloved bike - Johnny C - was stolen out of my garage. Not just any bike, mind you. This bike has been ridden in Jesse's honor for years, endured Death Valley 5 times in fact. No, I wanted Johnny C to come home. I wasn't all that hopeful, after all you rarely hear about bikes recovered. I posted a note on Craigslist letting everyone know what my bike looked like and that if anyone saw it, would they please call me. I filed my insurance claim begrudgingly and carried on.

As I sat at the Shambeau garden with many friends watching my office spouse marry a man I love like a brother, I was choking up. I could hear owls hooting in happiness. Geese flew over. The sign? No way. As the vows were exchanged I again cried while Sean and Mollie publicly recognized Jesse bringing them together - after all, they would never have met if he hadn't died and I knew more than anything Jesse was smiling down on them. I could FEEL it.

During the ceremony my phone rings and rings (on vibrate of course, I'm not that rude, but always having my phone on me is a habit left over from Jesse...no mom is ever away from her type 1 son, no way.) I get on the bus to travel back to the Indian Crossing Casino (which is not a casino, nor native american looking) and listen to my voicemail. A complete stranger is telling me that a thief has posted my bike for sale.

In somewhat of an excited and swift moment I call Charles back home and ask him to work with this guy to set up a meeting, and to bring the police. It's within a short amount of time that Charles is meeting with a wonderful officer named Steph...she's leery we are going to get this...but then Charles lets her know of Jesse, of the wedding and the meaning of Johnny C. She calls my friend Sarah MacKesey who is also a police officer and they are ready to roll. At the same time my friend Vicki G is letting me know that she also is trying to call the guy and knows it's my bike (her partner is also a police officer). My phone is ringing. A wedding is happenings. Toasts are made. And as Sean Busby stood to toast my Jesse Alswager, I get a call. A simple sentence from Charles, "We have your bike." And a mass of people who never met me, but know of Jesse, roar.

Did he get arrested? No. Was Johnny C lying sadly on a dirty floor in a seedy neighborhood? Yes. But nothing was removed from my biked - not even my trail pass with my name! No doubt it was my bike.

All I wanted was my bike back. And Jesse, well, he sure gave us a sign. A big one. There is no doubt that he wanted to be part of the day...and he was.

Congrats to Mollie & Sean and happy to "me" for having my bike..in the HOUSE...he's no longer living in my garage.

And that my friends is a happily ever after. Oh and by the way the gift they are opening symbolizes Jesse, and their marriage. As Dave Matthews so wonderfully said, "You and me together, we can do anything, baby....all the way to the end of the world...."

Til We Reach The End of the World

Tomorrow would have been Jesse's 15th birthday. I could stare at that sentence for hours and probably cry and feel sorry for myself. I'm sure I will spend at least 3 minutes tomorrow feeling sorry for myself.

But I get the pleasure of celebrating Jesse's birthday in a way not many others could do in my situation. Let me tell you a story.

When Jesse died a good friend of mine called and wanted to be sure he could fly in for the funeral. You see, Sean Busby was a good friend to Jesse. Jesse looked up to Sean in those early years because Sean was a professional snowboarder with type 1 diabetes who was about to embark on putting together a snowboard camp in Wisconsin with me. Over the years they became more like brothers, calling each other up with stupid one liners or talking about girls.

Brothers.

I asked Sean to deliver the eulogy for Jesse along with Jesse's sister, Samantha. While he stood talking about Jesse in heartfelt words a friend and coworker, Mollie Shambeau, was listening in a church pew and wondering who Sean was.

Over that week Sean and Mollie got to know one another. So much so that Mollie ended up quitting her job and moving to Utah to live with Sean. I can flash forward through this, but let it be known there have been many symbols that Jesse approves of this as songs that remind us of Jesse keep popping at important moments for Sean and Mollie, including the day Sean proposed to Mollie in Iceland. "You and Me" by Dave Matthews Band, a song that Jesse asked me to download just days before he died.

So Sean & Mollie decided to get married - and what date did they pick? The only date available of course in the small town of Waupaca, Wisconsin - September 24, 2011. Jesse's 15th birthday.

I'm looking forward to spending the day not thinking so much about what I've lost, but for what Sean and Mollie gained out of that loss and friendship. I had struggled so hard to come up with a gift for these two after all I certainly can't give them a Pottery Barn gift certificate. I had decided to let Jesse guide me.

One night while sitting on my deck just staring at stars and listening to music alone, it came to me, and with the help of a mom who also has a child with diabetes (of course!) I created what I think is the perfect gift. More to come on that after I hand deliver it tomorrow at their wedding, but I'm pretty sure Jesse picked it out, if you believe in that kind of thing like I do.

The song below reminds me of Jesse in so many ways, and yet is fitting for their wedding also. I hope you all have a good day remembering your time with Jesse. I hope you'll also post some fun memories on his memorial page or my wall.

Congrats Mollie & Sean, and Happy Birthday Eggyolkio...we miss you....


You & Me - Dave Matthews Band
Want to pack your bags something small
Take what you need and we disappear
Without a trace we'll be gone, gone
Moon and the stars will follow the car

And then when we get to the ocean
Gonna take a boat to the end of the world
All the way to the end of the world

Oh and when the kids are old enough, we're gonna teach them to fly

you and me together
We could do anything baby
You and me together yes, yes
You and me together
We could do anything baby
You and me together yes yes

You and I were not tied to the ground
Not falling but rising like rolling around
Eyes closed above the rooftops
Eyes closed we're gonna spin through the stars

Our arms wide as the sky, we're gonna ride the blue

All the way to the end of the world
To the end of the world

Oh and when the kids are old enough, we're gonna teach them to fly

CHORUS

We can always look back at what we did
Always remembering how you and me did
Right now it's you and me forever girl
And you know, we could do better than
anything that we did
You know that you and me
We could do anything


You and me together
We could do anything, baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together yeah, yeah
two of us together, we could do anything baby

It's so small
Till we reach the end of the world

How to Celebrate Jesse's 15th Birthday

In 2005 I met a young man named Sean Busby. A professional snowboarder, Sean had recently been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. A story all his own (and can be read at www.ridingoninsulin.org) Sean was determined to find good in his diagnosis. Sean and I worked together to bring Riding on Insulin to Wisconsin in the Spring of 2005. Jesse participated in that first camp and every other Wisconsin camp after that.

In 2007 I started working at BRAVA Magazine. I met our fashion editor, Mollie Shambeau. We had a different way of working with one another (i.e. LOUD) and over the years developed a strong connection. In that time Mollie would receive several text message "merks" from Jesse. For those who don't know, a "merk" is kind of like a 1980's "made ya look". Mollie and Jesse met for the first time in November of 2009. The merks continued.

In that time Mollie had never met Sean.

When Jesse died it was never a question to me that Sean would deliver the eulogy. Over the years Sean became family to us and a big brother to Jesse. It was then that Sean and Mollie met for the very first time coming together in a time of great sadness.

Flash forward to June of 2010 when Mollie packed up her bags full of scarves and shoes and moved to nowhere, Utah, to live with Sean. Since then they have traveled the world literally...and while on an expedition in Iceland, Sean proposed. (Photo above)

While driving to this moment in Iceland, "You and Me" by Dave Matthews Band came on - a song that meant a lot to Jesse & I. Signs were everywhere.

Today I received a voicemail from Mollie checking in and "Oh, by the way, Michelle, mark your calendar, we are getting married on 9/24!" What an indescribable feeling to realize as it came from my phone...that Mollie & Sean had picked Jesse's 15th birthday for their wedding day - without even realizing it.

I believe as I've said many times that death did not silence Jesse's soul. Sometimes a solid sign from him - like this - is enough to keep me smiling.

There is no doubt to me that Jesse will be there on 9/24/2011 to celebrate both his birthday, and their new beginning.

Miles 23 -in memory of Jesse in Death Valley

On 2/2/2010 I sat at the dinner table with my family. I had recently been talked into doing the JDRF Ride to Cure Diabetes by my friend, Tim Kritter. He said it was time to return from my self-imposed exile. We decided on the Lake Tahoe ride because we hadn't been there - after all, I had already been to Death Valley 4 times. Charles was teasing me about going to Tahoe - he and Jesse relentlessly teased me about my love for the ride party. Of course I got totally upset and then Jesse said, "Mom. Seriously, you need to chill. We know what you do for me with diabetes." We hung out and had a great night watching Kindergarten Cop together. In the morning he told me he wasn't feeling great. No big deal - a bad 'd' day. While I got ready for work I created my fundraising page and emailed it to all of my friends and family for donations. I said to them that it was time for me to get back in the saddle because diabetes doesn't rest for Jesse, why should I?

He died that day.

I can't explain the strong pull I had to return to the Valley. I called my friends and said, "forget Tahoe, we need to go back." On the day of his funeral, we all made the switch to return. And a new journey began.

The 8 months it took to get from that moment to the hot sand and stark beauty of the desert were more brutal than you can ever imagine. Each day was a challenge - not training, no, just being alive and missing him. I was surrounded by friends and watched them one by one sign up to join me in Death Valley.

As we trained we ordered special jerseys - Godspeed Jesse jerseys. They arrived in time for us all to bring with us to Furnace Creek. Upon arriving at the ranch I see friends not just from my chapter but Anne Findlay from San Fran, Sue Morgan "Carmel Sue" of Utah, Mike Crowley of Milwaukee, Jerry Jorgensen of Little Rock, not to forget Triabetes athlete Jerry Nairn whom I never met yet was there to ride for my little man and the best faces in the world to finally see - Bob and Jen Nicholson. You see, I met Jen and Bob shortly after 3/25 - which sadly is the day their 14 year old son, Trent, died from diabetes. A bond was made during those horrible weeks and seeing them after months of phone calls and emails it was like we had known each other for years. And watching my friends embrace them as their own was overwhelming.

Tim St. Clair surprised me the Friday evening before the ride by dedicating a mile of silence in Jesse's honor and the announcement that the mile would continue for years to come to recognize all that are lost to this disease. It was also a strange honor to receive the top recruiter jersey and set a new record for most recruits. Joy mixed with a lot of pain.

Before the sun rose we made our way to breakfast me dragging Charles along for his first experience. I was worried how he would react - would he see the beauty of this experience? Would he feel the way I did in 2004, the almost spiritual journey out to Jubilee Pass? We donned our Jesse jerseys and made it to the starting line. Quickly it was decided by my team that we would stop at mile 23 as a team - no matter what - all together to honor Jesse.

As we sped down to Badwater we laughed and smiled and enjoyed the stark beauty and the love for one another. It was a literal Jesse train, his smiling face everywhere. It was beautiful. We all got off our bikes - someone made a cross with rocks - to this day I don't know who. We gathered for a photo as I watched Sandy Thompson cry and I said, "No. Not now. Not today. Today we push forward and we are strong." The heaviness was quickly broken by Jerry Jorgensen, a comical man with diabetes when he crouched down to test his blood sugar and screamed, "Oh my God! I'm bleeding! I'm bleeding!" (he was 68 by the way, way to check Jerry!).


As the photos are snapped we rode off together in a sea of Jesse's. I caught up to Bob Nicholson in our silence. A nod, a painful smile and a knuckle-bump for Trent and Jesse.

We break out to mile 24 with the sun breaking along the next alluvial fan and we change our gears to enjoy this brutally hot yet beautiful day that even forced the one lone coyote into the shade of one roadside sign.

For those of you who have been to Death Valley you know the ascent to Jubilee Pass is difficult, relentless, hot and well - UPHILL for six miles. 113 degrees on the bike computers this particular year, to be exact. You bring that gear down and you crank. I am no stranger to it as I had climbed 4 times prior. But this particular year my body said "no." Halfway up I find myself walking. And angry with myself. I'm hot. I'm pissed off. My two coaches Joe Brady and Dan Rotert are circling me like caring buzzards. My mind is racing as they point out cloud formations to distract my pain and overexertion. I laugh out loud and say to Joe, "Are you KIDDING me? You are pointing out clouds? Dude! I'm the one who is usually doing this to others on this climb, you can't fool me!" More pain and frustration. With one mile to go up I simply give up. I can't make it. I'm holding tightly a vial of two used test strips. I had brought them from home. I hand them to Joe and say, "take them. I can't do it. You know what you need to do." But something took over. I had a goal, I was going to get there.

This isn't a story of some courageous last climb. Nope. Instead its a story of finding a sag wagon to put my sorry ass in. But the beauty of that moment is I'm so relieved that I will make it to Jubilee that I start helping others who are sagging to the top, I ask them where they are from, I help load up their bikes, I get them water from the sag wagon to relieve us from drinking the hot water in our bottles. I'm back! The "me" is back!

At the top of Jubilee I see friends Mollie Shambeau and Sean Busby overheated and waiting. There's Amy Eager and Bob Gorsuch. And here comes Sandy Thompson and Craig Midtlein climbing. Jeremy Scherbert, Chris Rotert...the gang is here. We get up to the sign and with tears and hugs Sean and I nod and place a used test strip down the rusty metal poles of the Jubilee Pass sign knowing a true part of Jesse will remain there forever.

You might also think this story should end with me getting a second wind and getting my butt back to the ranch. Again, no. But it was just as glorious. As I coast back down to Ashford Mills I pick up Sandy Thompson and say "I'm done, sag please." I get in the car of Cheryl Sargeant, volunteer cheer. I look in the mirror and see what everyone was concerned about - white blisters have formed all over my face - I have sun poisoning. I made a good choice. We drive awhile and pick up a tired Sean Busby. I can tell you, however, that sagging in with Cheryl, Sandy and Sean was amazing and leaning out the car to cheer my amazing teammates through was worth every second. It was not failure.

The reat of the story is the same for everyone - beauty of crossing the finish, hugging those who are out there for the first time and knowing they will be back. I think most of Charles who came into this unsure of whether or not he enjoyed cycling who didn't really "get it" 100%...but after his journey and we were home he said, "I want to do this next year and be trained and hammer this thing and be in by 2 pm." Yeah baby....welcome to the itch.



I am a proud JDRF Ride to Cure Diabetes Rider and I look forward to my next journey with the new group of new friends and old friends. I think you should join me.

Godspeed Jesse, you were in our hearts the whole ride.