Til We Reach The End of the World

Tomorrow would have been Jesse's 15th birthday. I could stare at that sentence for hours and probably cry and feel sorry for myself. I'm sure I will spend at least 3 minutes tomorrow feeling sorry for myself.

But I get the pleasure of celebrating Jesse's birthday in a way not many others could do in my situation. Let me tell you a story.

When Jesse died a good friend of mine called and wanted to be sure he could fly in for the funeral. You see, Sean Busby was a good friend to Jesse. Jesse looked up to Sean in those early years because Sean was a professional snowboarder with type 1 diabetes who was about to embark on putting together a snowboard camp in Wisconsin with me. Over the years they became more like brothers, calling each other up with stupid one liners or talking about girls.

Brothers.

I asked Sean to deliver the eulogy for Jesse along with Jesse's sister, Samantha. While he stood talking about Jesse in heartfelt words a friend and coworker, Mollie Shambeau, was listening in a church pew and wondering who Sean was.

Over that week Sean and Mollie got to know one another. So much so that Mollie ended up quitting her job and moving to Utah to live with Sean. I can flash forward through this, but let it be known there have been many symbols that Jesse approves of this as songs that remind us of Jesse keep popping at important moments for Sean and Mollie, including the day Sean proposed to Mollie in Iceland. "You and Me" by Dave Matthews Band, a song that Jesse asked me to download just days before he died.

So Sean & Mollie decided to get married - and what date did they pick? The only date available of course in the small town of Waupaca, Wisconsin - September 24, 2011. Jesse's 15th birthday.

I'm looking forward to spending the day not thinking so much about what I've lost, but for what Sean and Mollie gained out of that loss and friendship. I had struggled so hard to come up with a gift for these two after all I certainly can't give them a Pottery Barn gift certificate. I had decided to let Jesse guide me.

One night while sitting on my deck just staring at stars and listening to music alone, it came to me, and with the help of a mom who also has a child with diabetes (of course!) I created what I think is the perfect gift. More to come on that after I hand deliver it tomorrow at their wedding, but I'm pretty sure Jesse picked it out, if you believe in that kind of thing like I do.

The song below reminds me of Jesse in so many ways, and yet is fitting for their wedding also. I hope you all have a good day remembering your time with Jesse. I hope you'll also post some fun memories on his memorial page or my wall.

Congrats Mollie & Sean, and Happy Birthday Eggyolkio...we miss you....


You & Me - Dave Matthews Band
Want to pack your bags something small
Take what you need and we disappear
Without a trace we'll be gone, gone
Moon and the stars will follow the car

And then when we get to the ocean
Gonna take a boat to the end of the world
All the way to the end of the world

Oh and when the kids are old enough, we're gonna teach them to fly

you and me together
We could do anything baby
You and me together yes, yes
You and me together
We could do anything baby
You and me together yes yes

You and I were not tied to the ground
Not falling but rising like rolling around
Eyes closed above the rooftops
Eyes closed we're gonna spin through the stars

Our arms wide as the sky, we're gonna ride the blue

All the way to the end of the world
To the end of the world

Oh and when the kids are old enough, we're gonna teach them to fly

CHORUS

We can always look back at what we did
Always remembering how you and me did
Right now it's you and me forever girl
And you know, we could do better than
anything that we did
You know that you and me
We could do anything


You and me together
We could do anything, baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together yeah, yeah
two of us together, we could do anything baby

It's so small
Till we reach the end of the world

the latest Dlife column- Making your worst your best

When Jay Hewitt came to town recently to talk to a group of diabetes educators I was lucky enough to have a seat. I couldn't help but remember the above photo of Me, Samantha, Joey and of course Jesse, as they crossed the Ironman Finish with me so many years ago.

I hope this column inspires you.

http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/type-1/michelle_alswager/diabetes

The ladies of Type 1 take on Ironman Lake Placid - you in?

Now that the second generation of Triabetics has raced an Ironman last weekend in Arizona, it makes me ponder my own racing intentions. I've gotten a little fat, I won't lie. I blame my busy job, but let's face it, I think it hasn't helped that my training buddies - Stacy, Miles and so on - have moved away. I don't have anyone texting me at 9:00 am on Saturday saying, "Get up, we're going biking".

Thanks to Jen Davino and Shannon Bounds - two type 1 women itching to do an Ironman - I think I have aspirations to sign up again.

On 7/25/2010 I will turn 41. On 7/27/11 I will race Lake Placid. Let's add some type 1 women to this amazing group - email me if you want in - curejesse@gmail.com.

This Damn Thing Needs a Title

Wowser. What anticipation it was to have the not-so-rough "rough cut" in my hot little hands from Nella Citino. I drove over straight from work to pick up the dvd. I could tell she was nervous to hand it over.

I brought it home and threw everything else aside so I could watch it. Charles joined me.

I watched all 50 minutes getting caught up in what others will think. I know people with diabetes will learn from it. I know triathletes will enjoy it. But what about the mom of a newly diagnosed type 1 kid? What will she get from it? And what will someone get from it who isn't touched by diabetes or the crazy sickness called Ironman that some of us possess?

I held it together pretty well until the credits. What's funny, is the credits only say exactly that - "Credits". But in between each dark screen glared wonderful memories of the past two years.

Charles turned it off and said, "that was really good, Michelle." I got up to excitedly call Nella to tell her that fears of us not liking it were silly. I got through about 10 seconds before I blubbered. Like a big baby. Now if you know me at all - I am not the touchy feely girly type. So after I hung up and had a huge overwhelming cry...I cracked up hard. At myself.

I felt like I had some therapeutic epiphany. What was it I was feeling? I was feeling over 2 years of love for a project and a group of people that I care about. I'll be the first to admit since the athletes crossed the finish line and Peter & John have taken the Triabetes team to the next level...and ready to take it to even another level...I have sat back a little waiting for Nella to do her magic. Not exactly a disconnect from the project, but just a waiting process. The emotion I felt was crazy.

My brain went back to 3 major events in my life. Okay, maybe 5?
1. March 3, 2000, Jesse's little tired body, with salt-rimmed lips, getting his finger poked for the very first time. Age 3. How would I cope with this?

2. Picking up a bicycle to ride in the name of diabetes. January 2004, my first Ride to Cure Diabetes where I met this crazy diabetic named Stacy Cook. And this guy named Mike Runnels who had no connection to the disease and yet was choosing to ride for someone he cared about. I didn't know that these two people would become my best friends not only in riding, but in life, who have stuck with me through this project.

3. Signing up for my first Ironman. And thinking, "if a dude with diabetes can do this, I can do this." I did. Step 3 catapulted me into thinking people with diabetes need help getting to the finish line.

4. Dreaming up a documentary in a coffee shop with no experience in film, only a passion about the people I cared about with diabetes.

5. Today. 10 years later, so many names, faces, stories...all of us still working together to make life do-able until the cure.

I end this blog post with a moment of laughter for me. After the intro of the documentary, there is a really cool screen shot that moved me personally because the shot contained very personal items of mine related to this journey. Clearly this was the title shot of the movie. And what did Nella write?

"This Damn Thing Needs a Title."

So very near the finish line.....thanks for waiting for us at 11:52 pm as we finish strong together.

38 miles on your bike makes you think

Ugh. Seriously...UGH. I have neglected my body and my bike for way too long. Work has been so busy (yes I know you are the choir and I am preaching) that I have stopped doing what makes me feel the best - cycling.

It's almost November and if you have ever been to Wisconsin you know that a day like today can be 20 degrees and a blizzard, or you can luck out and it is 62 degrees and sunny. Today was one of those days.

I took the time to put air in the tires (I'm embarrassed to tell you they were down to like 30 lbs each), get the water bottles, and saddle up with my newly reshuffled itunes mix (Black Eyed Peas and I Got a Feeling will launch you over any hill) and hit the road to Paoli. As I biked on I got lost in my thoughts. Work this, work that, celebrities this, exhibitors that. Then it went to the Triabetes premiere, donations rolling in to launch us that last bit...

The leaves were crunching under my tires (I could hear it in between Beautiful day by U2 and While I was jamming to Switch by Will Smith) and finally caught myself smiling.

Signing up with a huge group of fantastic type 1 ladies to do Ironman Lake Placid '11....well today that did not seem out of reach. In fact, it seemed important to set myself on that path.

Today is a good day.

Giddy...and Ironman Documentary PREMIERE!

Hi, kids. I hope you've missed me at least a little. Time to play a little blogging catch up. I was working today (have I told you already that BRAVA magazine is alive, kicking and a helluva lot of fun?!) Anyway, our resident fashionista, Mollie Shambeau, was putting together our blog (check it if you are bored, I think we crack ourselves up - www.bravaintheknow.wordpress.com) and I thought, "I think its time for a Triabetes update."

Nella, the guts behind this project, is currently putting together a pretty "rough cut". People have been submitting amazing tunes that will set the stage and catapult these Triabetes athletes forward on a big screen.

I got an email the other day from Peter Nerothin, king of Ironkidz, Insulindependence, and temporary Colorado resident (he moved across the street from Johnny Moore!!!). He teased my brain by sending a marquee from a theatre...in Tempe, AZ.

Drum Roll....

I have goosebumps when I tell you the documentary is set to premiere in Tempe, AZ, November 21st, the day before even more Triabetes team members embark on a new Ironman adventure...

Stay tuned.......

In the Studio!!!!!!!!

We are in the studio again!



Hello, we're back! What a fun day! Brian Foster, participant in the Triabetes documentary, flew in this morning to narrate the film. A few props were put in place, mic checks, ironing, and read-throughs and we were off!

Nella Citino and Ray Ibsen of Andiamo Productions directed Brian through the camera work and we had so much fun giggling through the outtakes (believe me, there were many). Charles' new bike (see previous post) ended up being the backdrop to the entire shoot and it looked pretty cool. We go through the filming and then after some lunch, hit the voice-overs. Just hearing Brian retell the story was goosebump worthy!

Back to the house for dinner and a quick clean up as not only my family is coming over for Easter, but Charles' family AND Brian along with the entire Andiamo family crew! I haven't really counted, but I think that's about 22 people...... looking forward to hanging out and talking about the rough cut that is about to be prepared.

I smell a documentary about to be born.... stay tuned (and please, God, I hope Ray uses that footage of me acting like Molly Shannon, shouting "SUPERSTAR!". I think it was Oscar worthy.

Charles gets a sweet ride...

A little off the Triabetes beaten path, but it is fun to post that Charles now has a sweet new ride! We spent the entire afternoon at "bike-o-rama", a tradition I attend every year! Bike-o-rama consists of everything you need to start biking, keep biking, and everything you don't need but want to buy anyway.

When Charles and I met, he probably didn't see road biking in his future. Today he walked proudly out of the sale with a Fuji Roubaix ride, Crank brothers pedals, sidi shoes, Rudy Project helmet, pearl isumi shorts, gloves, water bottle cages and a wireless computer to track the distance he rides his first season!

In 2004 I walked in to bike-o-rama myself and hadn't a CLUE what to get, had my hand held figuratively as I picked out my first gear - it felt good to share the knowledge and get him set up and smiling on his way out the door.

Tomorrow it is 51 degrees here in Madison, Wisconsin! WOOHOO! It's time for the traditional Paoli loop at 11:00 am with friends tomorrow.... hope I see you out there! In the meantime, in case you are wondering I only bought a pair of Shebeest tri shorts! They are hot!

The Interview!

Here's the video from CNBC's "Dlife" episode. Spread the word!

Click here: Triabetes DLife Interview

A Reflection from my IM 06

As everyone prepares for the race in just 14 days, I'm sure lots of thoughts are going through their heads. I saved this email I had sent to everyone the day after my race in 2006. It inspires me to reread it, so I share it with all of you. I hope you read the joy in it...and the love.

"it was fun...so I did it" :)!

Ok, I'm now rested, and have my glass of wine in hand (I knew you'd appreciate that Norm, and no, I didn't stop for beer along the course...sheesh...even I have to know some limits...:) )

I'm attempting to answer all of your questions below...(gosh you had SOOO many questions!)

The stats:

Pre-race:

Night before Preparation: checked transition bags feverishly. Sat around firepit with neighbors. Drank 1 beer, then gatorade and water. Went to bed. Slept like a rock. Amazing.

Person who put up with the most questions about prep: Mark Timmerman (thank you for patience...)

The swim:

Number of times I wanted to vomit: Zero! Woohoo! (I was calm, crazily...) I was there, I was ready, and knew full well "it is what it is".

Number of friends I saw at the start: 6 - a welcome, welcome sight. Hugs in wetsuits ROCK!

Size of waves: Holy Mother of God. (but, that was good, it kept my face planted in the water because if you looked up, you got a face full of stinky water that tasted like boat fuel..trust me...)

Best "under the wetsuit apparel": David Willborn ran up the helix wearing tie-dyed underwear he made himself, including an iron-on IM patch.

Feeling of running up the helix on my way to transition: Are you kidding??? I screamed my fool head off when I saw my people hanging out and cheering! Superstars.

The Bike:

Weather: Ahhh...non-stop rain and cold. Relentless and strong headwinds.

Amount of time my feet were dry: .1 minute

Number of spectators I talked to: How many were out there? Count 90%, it made me CRAZY not to talk.

# of Farmer-Blows: 1209

# of farmer-blows that ended up on my coat: 8

# of farmer-blows that I didn't care anymore where it landed: 6

Why biking was fun: I sucked so bad on my swim time, that NO ONE passed me on the bike course (except the pros on their second loop). I felt like a rockstar passing for hours.

Most impressive bike stat: Ha! Talked for 30 miles straight with my new buddy, John. Yep, you got it baby, you CAN'T SHUT ME UP! That's right!

# of boys signing up to do the Ride to Cure Diabetes that I met during my Ironman: TWO! (I'm always working....)

Biggest Grin on the bike: seeing that I had more fans supporting me than ANYONE on the course...and hearing other bikers complain about it! (true!!!)

Mantras taped to bike: U Rock, This is great I feel good, No negative monkeys, return with honor, slow is steady steady is fast, I did it, I own it, Smile.

Best coaching: I've never had so much coaching in my LIFE!! Bike coaches Dan & Jay, Swim coach Mark, and Tri Coach Cindi....1 on the course, 2 cheering me on and 1 sending feverish emails right up until the event all the way from Kansas City...way cool.

Most motivating moment: Hans Solinger in full bike gear waiting for me to top a hill so he could bike alongside me and give me pointers and tell me to focus and keep pedaling. :)

Mile I realized I wasn't enjoying my bike ride: Mile 80

Mile I lost sensation in both hands and couldn't shift: Mile 80

How many times I decided I didn't want to complete the race: 1

Number of times I cried during the event: 1, biking up the helix and thinking I couldn't physically get off my bike or tie my shoes because I was chilled to the bone.

Minutes held for hypothermia issues: 40 (that SUCKED)

Color of lips at that time: purple

Moment I remembered Bobby Heyer's mantra taped to my bike that said not to let negative monkeys in my head: that very second (thank you Bobby!!!)

Coolest volunteer in the world who dressed me (hands still numb) and got me running: Rebecca

The Run:

Coolest friend that surprised me: Chris Burque jumping in step with me and running alongside for my first mile. Thank you!! (IM 08, Burque??)

Moment I realized I was going to finish the race: Mile 2, when I saw someone I knew coming the other direction with a look of incredible pride and joy (and surprise maybe?), arms up, running towards one another and me screaming how great I was feeling and almost bowled him right over in my excitment when I wrapped my arms AND legs around him for God's sake...I giggled for miles about what a dork I was doing that...especially since I was wearing bright yellow AND a garbage bag (Yeah...this girl looked HOT...ha ha ha)

Moment I met my run buddy, Jeremy: mile 3 (finished the race with him)

Cool stat about Jeremy: he is only 27 and I was keeping pace

Why that stat isn't cool: Damn it, he was injured

Biggest grin on the run: Seeing Sandy, Mike R, Mike K, Stacy and Rob running towards me when I was about to finish...they were screaming and crying with excitement.

Number of blisters: zero

Number of toenails lost: 1 (yeah, gross)

The Finish Line:

Best moment - grabbing my kids to run with me towards the jumbotron baby!

Second best moment: realizing just how many friends/family showed up to see me finish!

The fans:

Who had the most fans cheering them on in the rain: ME!!!!!!!!!! I'm not kidding, I swear it's true. I'm not naming all of you because I don't want to forget someone!!! You know who you are!!!! Thank you!!

Best Wingman: Stacy Cook. I owe her my life. Poor woman had to undress me to get in the shower, feed me AND sleep with me LOL Incredible vibes.

Friend who pulled me through that was an IM participant: David Willborn - he was my hot date for everything. As I showed up alone to get body-marked, I never thought I would see someone I knew....there stood David...grinning...we got ready together and walked the helix together to the swim start...you're the best, baby!

Post Ironman:

Will I get an IM tattoo? No. I contemplated the IM logo on my back, with the "dot" of the "I" using the single freckle I have on my back...but I decided I kinda dig my one freckle, so I'm keeping it as is, thanks. No tattoo.

Will I do another Ironman? I did NOT sign up for 07. No regrets. I have 3 friends who want to do 08....and if they do...you know who you are....I'll be there with you....actually there is a 4th I want to join me in 08...I'll keep you posted...he doesn't know I'm slating him to do it with me..but he is... ;)

Most inspiring: the type 1 athletes I knew on the course had problems with their meters all day...and endured/achieved. Inspired, I am.

How do I top it?: No clue. I'm applying for Survivor. How about that?

My best advice to future Ironmen: I was right. Keep it fun. Smile and enjoy.

What I learned: it was a greater accomplishment to cross the finish line a little later bringing a friend along the way who needed the support, than to cross earlier, alone. I will reflect on that for a lifetime.

Your well wishes, by the way, have been a great joy to read today. For all of you who keep telling me I'm a coach..no I'm not...i'm just a girl who loves to watch other people feel inspired and reach their own goals. I know how important it is to have people tell you "you can do it." That is something I have learned over the last few years. To those of you who couldn't make it, I know you were there with me in spirit. For those who made it down and were surprised at how cool the finish line scene is...welcome...enjoy it...it's the experience of a lifetime...and I get to proudly say I did it, for the rest of my life. I'm glad I was pushed to it. Now....I'm going to bed. I want to stay up but my body says...enough girl.

Oh...last stat-

How many people are sick of hearing about Ironman?: How many people are on this email? (grinning)

:)Michelle

"How long should you keep trying? Until." ~ Jim Rohn