You say it's my birthday....

So I could spend my 42nd birthday doing just about anything right? I've got a new house that I filled yesterday with friends and family for a little pre-celebration. But today...today is heavy for me. I cannot get Jesse off my mind because its hard to celebrate things. And this morning my facebook was a sea of birthday wishes. But nothing overwhelmed me quite like Moira McCarthy's blog post to honor Jesse by inviting the world to buy a virtual ticket to Jessepalooza (jessepalooza.org) with her and to raise a glass at 7:23 pm on Saturday, August 6th.

I hope you take the time to read this from Moira. Other people - and their solid kindness - is what gets me through. I hope you will repost this, after all, its $10. You can do it.

http://despitediabetes.wordpress.com/2011/07/25/in-honor-of-jesse-a-virtual-call-to-action/

A Viewing of the Triabetes Documentary - October 12th

I know - finally! The Science of Inspiration has been shown in many cities - but not Madison! For obvious reason I have been a little awol from this project. Today marks the 7 month anniversary of the death of my son, Jesse. I say this not to scare you, or to instill fear, I say this as the means of "keep educating, keep learning, keep reaching" and find a cure for this wretched disease.

The specifics:
Tuesday, October 12th
Gray's Tied House - Verona
6 pm, cash bar
7:00 pm - viewing

The show itself is 50 minutes long - expect something you might see on Discover Channel. We have a large screen tv and private room for our group.

I hope you can make it!

Month 5 - time to train - time to reflect

Hello Triabetes blog readers. I know, I've been MIA. It's been a tough 5 months since losing our Jesse. There are days it feels he is still going to come through the door but in some ways it feels he has been gone so very long.

I won't go into every aspect of my life about that, here. There is plenty written elsewhere and I've been documenting it all in my a book I hope to publish about grieving. Its been a bumpy road with immense sadness and other flickers of slight joy and smiles.

Today is a new day of sorts. While everyone pretty much knows I'm doing the JDRF ride in Death Valley this October in Jesse's honor, most also know I haven't done much as it relates to training for something - anything. I've watched some good friends as they continue their racing - such as the Wimmers who ran the Madison Marathon in Jesse's honor sporting a tshirt with his image and the words "Godspeed Jesse", or Darren Fortney, who wears a guitar pick of Jesse's around his neck and taken it through Marathons, Ultra-swims and cross-country ski racing. Darren feels Jesse guiding.

My friend Theresa Hineline emailed me about a 1/2 marathon she wants to do in about the most northern portion of Wisconsin - Ashland, Wisconsin, to be exact. The race is called the Whistlestop. Now, I've never done a 1/2 marathon (I don't count Ironman, that's just a whole other animal). So I said what the hell and signed up.

Where the hell am I going with the story? I'm sorry! It's been forever since I talked to you.

Anyway, today I laced up my shoes in my 20 lb heavier body and did my first day of training - an easy 2.5 miles. What makes my training meaningful to me?

I am wearing a bracelet that says "In Memory of Trent Nicholson", a young man who would have turned 15 on 6/22 but instead joined Jesse just weeks after him in what I now consider (and hope) to be the more meaningful part of our beings. I have become close with Trent's family and will be riding with his parents, Bob and Jen, in Death Valley. I wore my cure diabetes bracelet that I once created on an airplane coming back from my first century ride in Death Valley, that has always symbolized what I do for Jesse. I wore my 3/3 hat - the date of his diagnosis, 3/3/2000. And I wore of course my Triabetes t-shirt, a documentary that came to my brain for that same light - Jesse.

Now, a few weeks ago I flew to NYC to film a new segment on Dlife to talk about Jesse. On that trip I lost my ipod somewhere between the banter in the Chicago airport bar, and my nightstand. Today I picked up Jesse's ipod. I ran listening to HIS music and what inspired him. I plan to leave it "as is" for my training for this race.

The beauty of what I hear is not the lyrics. In fact years ago someone would tease me a lot about how I listened to the music and not lyrics. I changed that and begin to dig more and more into lyrics. But today when these lyrics came on, as tears started to run down my face at the lyrics, I switched back to the sound of the music, specifically the guitar and found myself laughing, smiling and knowing that Jesse dug this tune not for the lyrics, but for the guitar he played and learned. But if you are a lyric person, please listen close and read the last line of the song. It is the pair of shoes I stand in for this moment at least.

I share with you the beginning of my journey. Moving forward, one day at a time.

You inspire me every day, Jesse Thomas Alswager. Stay cool.
MOM

"Lonely Day"

Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life

And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you

Take your hand and walk away

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Life

Such a lonely day
And it's mine
It's a day that I'm glad I survived

10 years - almost... 3/3 has arrived

IN HONOR OF JESSE PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO AND SPREAD TO YOUR FRIENDS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPDS2V1AF9w&feature=channel


Tonight as I write I am sad. A month ago tonight, might life was "right". Great job, great people, loving family. I had just had dinner with Jesse and had just snuggled in to watch Kindergarten Cop. We sent Joey off to bed and finished the movie. I shewed him off to bed because he had school in the morning.

The next day he was gone.

I'm not alone in missing him. Countless others. Nothing more heartbreaking than watching 13 years old miss their friend. Sisters and a brother...a dad...its horrible.

3/3 is tomorrow. Diagnosis dates are an anniversary we all remember. I will be wearing my 3/3 hat tomorrow in remembrance of Jesse's sad anniversary. I will be going out to eat with his close friends, his dad, my kids, and of course Charles and our friends. Together. Funny how something like this makes you forget all the other things.

Samantha, his sister, and her friend Karly filmed this video just weeks before he died for a school project. What you don't see off camera is how he fought with us and didn't want to film it - he was SO tired of talking about his diabetes.

This is how I will forever remember my Jesse. We love you little man. Your heart is big, your smile bigger. Love, Mom

The Science of Inspiration: Diabetes and Athletes

So the question I hear the most right now: "WHEN can I see the Triabetes documentary???!!!"

So the Triabetes project has official been named in the documentary as: "The Science of Inspiration: Diabetes and Athletes". I trust Nella's genius on this - she's the one with the emmy awards, not I!

We are now entering the documentary into film festivals. While doing so, most of them request that we not show the documentary to the public until its gone through the festival process.

Hang tight. It's coming! But we'd like the doc to get the credit it deserves, mama would like a new trophy on her shelf and I don't mean bowling.

The ladies of Type 1 take on Ironman Lake Placid - you in?

Now that the second generation of Triabetics has raced an Ironman last weekend in Arizona, it makes me ponder my own racing intentions. I've gotten a little fat, I won't lie. I blame my busy job, but let's face it, I think it hasn't helped that my training buddies - Stacy, Miles and so on - have moved away. I don't have anyone texting me at 9:00 am on Saturday saying, "Get up, we're going biking".

Thanks to Jen Davino and Shannon Bounds - two type 1 women itching to do an Ironman - I think I have aspirations to sign up again.

On 7/25/2010 I will turn 41. On 7/27/11 I will race Lake Placid. Let's add some type 1 women to this amazing group - email me if you want in - curejesse@gmail.com.

This Damn Thing Needs a Title

Wowser. What anticipation it was to have the not-so-rough "rough cut" in my hot little hands from Nella Citino. I drove over straight from work to pick up the dvd. I could tell she was nervous to hand it over.

I brought it home and threw everything else aside so I could watch it. Charles joined me.

I watched all 50 minutes getting caught up in what others will think. I know people with diabetes will learn from it. I know triathletes will enjoy it. But what about the mom of a newly diagnosed type 1 kid? What will she get from it? And what will someone get from it who isn't touched by diabetes or the crazy sickness called Ironman that some of us possess?

I held it together pretty well until the credits. What's funny, is the credits only say exactly that - "Credits". But in between each dark screen glared wonderful memories of the past two years.

Charles turned it off and said, "that was really good, Michelle." I got up to excitedly call Nella to tell her that fears of us not liking it were silly. I got through about 10 seconds before I blubbered. Like a big baby. Now if you know me at all - I am not the touchy feely girly type. So after I hung up and had a huge overwhelming cry...I cracked up hard. At myself.

I felt like I had some therapeutic epiphany. What was it I was feeling? I was feeling over 2 years of love for a project and a group of people that I care about. I'll be the first to admit since the athletes crossed the finish line and Peter & John have taken the Triabetes team to the next level...and ready to take it to even another level...I have sat back a little waiting for Nella to do her magic. Not exactly a disconnect from the project, but just a waiting process. The emotion I felt was crazy.

My brain went back to 3 major events in my life. Okay, maybe 5?
1. March 3, 2000, Jesse's little tired body, with salt-rimmed lips, getting his finger poked for the very first time. Age 3. How would I cope with this?

2. Picking up a bicycle to ride in the name of diabetes. January 2004, my first Ride to Cure Diabetes where I met this crazy diabetic named Stacy Cook. And this guy named Mike Runnels who had no connection to the disease and yet was choosing to ride for someone he cared about. I didn't know that these two people would become my best friends not only in riding, but in life, who have stuck with me through this project.

3. Signing up for my first Ironman. And thinking, "if a dude with diabetes can do this, I can do this." I did. Step 3 catapulted me into thinking people with diabetes need help getting to the finish line.

4. Dreaming up a documentary in a coffee shop with no experience in film, only a passion about the people I cared about with diabetes.

5. Today. 10 years later, so many names, faces, stories...all of us still working together to make life do-able until the cure.

I end this blog post with a moment of laughter for me. After the intro of the documentary, there is a really cool screen shot that moved me personally because the shot contained very personal items of mine related to this journey. Clearly this was the title shot of the movie. And what did Nella write?

"This Damn Thing Needs a Title."

So very near the finish line.....thanks for waiting for us at 11:52 pm as we finish strong together.

38 miles on your bike makes you think

Ugh. Seriously...UGH. I have neglected my body and my bike for way too long. Work has been so busy (yes I know you are the choir and I am preaching) that I have stopped doing what makes me feel the best - cycling.

It's almost November and if you have ever been to Wisconsin you know that a day like today can be 20 degrees and a blizzard, or you can luck out and it is 62 degrees and sunny. Today was one of those days.

I took the time to put air in the tires (I'm embarrassed to tell you they were down to like 30 lbs each), get the water bottles, and saddle up with my newly reshuffled itunes mix (Black Eyed Peas and I Got a Feeling will launch you over any hill) and hit the road to Paoli. As I biked on I got lost in my thoughts. Work this, work that, celebrities this, exhibitors that. Then it went to the Triabetes premiere, donations rolling in to launch us that last bit...

The leaves were crunching under my tires (I could hear it in between Beautiful day by U2 and While I was jamming to Switch by Will Smith) and finally caught myself smiling.

Signing up with a huge group of fantastic type 1 ladies to do Ironman Lake Placid '11....well today that did not seem out of reach. In fact, it seemed important to set myself on that path.

Today is a good day.

"I believe this documentary will change lives. I know, because it has already changed mine. "

Simple words that I read today from Triabetes athlete, Anne Findlay. Simple, yes, but the sentiments I believe all of us who were lucky enough to be part of the Triabetes project feel. From the first days securing the original twelve...to today where thousands of type 1 athletes find us, sign up and train to do a 5K race....a 100k bike...or the unthinkable.

Ironman.


What are the facts?

The premiere: November 21st in Tempe, AZ Want to attend it? Email peter@insulindependence.org.

Who will be there? Our goal is to have all 12 athletes and their "triabuddy" (formerly Ironkidz) at the event.


Why Tempe? A new generation of Triabetes athletes will be racing the next day in Ironman AZ.

Where can I see the documentary after that? We hope to show the documentary in hometowns (such as mine, Madison, Wisconsin), distributed throughout Internet sites that are willing to show hi-def documentaries, and through the Diabetes Health Network - doctors offices throughout the world!

We received generous contributions from sponsors and individuals. We want to tell the world about these amazing athletes - because simply. It changed Anne's life. And mine. And maybe even...yours.

Please help. We are very close to reaching our goal of distributing the dvd not just by the Internet, but other venues.

The last push. This is it. Have you been inspired by the journey? Whatever you can do.......matters to us.

If you can help, please give:

https://www.z2systems.com/np/clients/insulindependence/campaign.jsp?campaign=24&team=6&fundraiser=7134

This project - these people - have changed my life. And you have been part of the journey. And I thank you.

Now, go watch the clips again at www.triabetes.org. Be inspired.....

Giddy...and Ironman Documentary PREMIERE!

Hi, kids. I hope you've missed me at least a little. Time to play a little blogging catch up. I was working today (have I told you already that BRAVA magazine is alive, kicking and a helluva lot of fun?!) Anyway, our resident fashionista, Mollie Shambeau, was putting together our blog (check it if you are bored, I think we crack ourselves up - www.bravaintheknow.wordpress.com) and I thought, "I think its time for a Triabetes update."

Nella, the guts behind this project, is currently putting together a pretty "rough cut". People have been submitting amazing tunes that will set the stage and catapult these Triabetes athletes forward on a big screen.

I got an email the other day from Peter Nerothin, king of Ironkidz, Insulindependence, and temporary Colorado resident (he moved across the street from Johnny Moore!!!). He teased my brain by sending a marquee from a theatre...in Tempe, AZ.

Drum Roll....

I have goosebumps when I tell you the documentary is set to premiere in Tempe, AZ, November 21st, the day before even more Triabetes team members embark on a new Ironman adventure...

Stay tuned.......

Triabetes - the Next Generation

Where have I been, you ask? Where have I been? Errr...well lots has happened. The magazine I worked for (and loved) suspended operation on 4/10, 14 of us walked out with boxes, sadly, not knowing if it would reopen. In those two months, we worked hard and found a new investor and will happily be back to work soon enough.

But more importantly, I've spent some time working on the distribution of the documentary - lots of exciting news on that front, but can't tell you yet....

So instead, I'd like to take a moment to highlight members of triabetes that go beyond the original twelve. My focus was always the documentary itself, while Peter Nerothin and the team at Insulindependence worked hard to keep the momentum building to take the team to newer and greater heights, quite successfully in fact.

Case in point, here is Casey Boren, who you may be seeing on Twitter as "Triabetic", does an interview is Boise, Idaho about his upcoming races. Go, Casey!

Follow Casey on Twitter at Insulinpowered.

http://www.kivitv.com/global/video/flash/popupplayer.asp?vt1=v&clipFormat=flv&clipId1=3848839&at1=News&h1=Boise&rnd=28047572

An Easter Drowning would not be cool...

Ok, so today we all wake up fresh, Brian goes for a Madison 13 mile-ish run, I'm up cooking the ham, and then preparing all the food...

So late in the day I have the Triabetes crew of Brian, Nella, Ray and Elisa here along with my family and Charles' family. The pool has been shocked one time only, its still COLD in Wisconsin people! So, imagine our surprise as we here a splash and realize 6 year old Mason is in the pool and Joey is screaming it. Everyone runs. But in the time it took for me to run to the pool, Brian, marathon superstar, is already in the pool. We were all in rescue mode, but Brian was sauced including his blackberry (nonfunctioning), dexcom cgm (nonfunctioning) and his Animas pump (functioning!!!). Sigh.

After the excitment the kids re-enacted the wonderful excitment on facebook for us. We all laughed as they imitated me "oh, my triabetes ATHLETE is saving someone! He's amazing!". Hm...Offended, I was. But, a good sport. (ok, not really a good sport, but I pretended to be.)

So he saves the boy, we have fun...Triabetes rocks on, Easter style....

In the Studio!!!!!!!!

We are in the studio again!



Hello, we're back! What a fun day! Brian Foster, participant in the Triabetes documentary, flew in this morning to narrate the film. A few props were put in place, mic checks, ironing, and read-throughs and we were off!

Nella Citino and Ray Ibsen of Andiamo Productions directed Brian through the camera work and we had so much fun giggling through the outtakes (believe me, there were many). Charles' new bike (see previous post) ended up being the backdrop to the entire shoot and it looked pretty cool. We go through the filming and then after some lunch, hit the voice-overs. Just hearing Brian retell the story was goosebump worthy!

Back to the house for dinner and a quick clean up as not only my family is coming over for Easter, but Charles' family AND Brian along with the entire Andiamo family crew! I haven't really counted, but I think that's about 22 people...... looking forward to hanging out and talking about the rough cut that is about to be prepared.

I smell a documentary about to be born.... stay tuned (and please, God, I hope Ray uses that footage of me acting like Molly Shannon, shouting "SUPERSTAR!". I think it was Oscar worthy.

What if someone said, "Wow, so tell us more about why you eat mac n cheese?

That's how I felt about getting asked to fly to NYC to talk about the Triabetes Documentary. To me, it's like talking about something that is so second nature at this point, it amazes me that someone cares what I have to say! Not to belittle the project AT ALL! My point is that is just part of my day, I look at them like, "Why are you interested in how I parallel parked my car?"

All kidding aside, I'm a little nervous posting this because I haven't actually SEEN the clip that was filmed on the set of Dlife about a month ago in NYC. I'm actually nervous it will be like 6 seconds and I will be horribly embarrassed, but what the heck, I've never been a shy girl, why start now?

Check your local listings but the episode will appear on Dlife and it is my understanding it will be March 8th at 7 pm est. If you miss it, don't worry, I'm narcisistic so I'll probably show up at your house and knock to remind you that you can re-watch it on the www.dlife.com website soon after.

I received word that Brian Foster will be flying in to narrate the film on 4/4-4/6th and the script Nella and Ray of Andiamo Productions have built was the first time I really envisioned the film from beginning to end. Those two are rockstars.....

Anyway, I hope you tune in. I hope you tell your friends. I hope you don't mind the yard sign I planted in your lawn.

Grab a sandwich, a kleenex, and watch our new clip

I seriously cannot believe it is already 2009. Seems like yesterday it was September 2007 and a bunch of people I had never met were flying in and staying at my house so they could sign up for Ironman 2008. Today Andiamo Productions released a new clip about Ironkidz and the Triabetes documentary. I love how the story has evolved into more than a story about a few great people doing Ironman. It has become the story also of a great group of kids who set out on an adventure on a river to learn about themselves, only to find strength in meeting a Triabetes athlete and helping to cheer them across a finish line. Those of us involved in the project knew it would be inspiring for the kids. What I didn't expect was how pivotal it was for the athletes themselves. Please enjoy the next little segment about a project that doesn't come from just my heart - it comes from the heart of many. Please spread the word. We can't do it without all of you...


http://vimeo.com/2722286

I hear videos rock in hi-def....

ah...YEAH! WOW!

It's been awhile since I posted to the old blogster. :) What's to say other than the team is desperately missing each other. It's funny. We became a family, I think. I talk to Anne almost daily. An email from Steve, or John, Peter...Nate...they are all met with a smile.... I miss everyone.

But, here is some candy. Nella and Ray of Andiamo did a fabulous job. I love that Bascom Hill Band - a local band that I started following a few years ago through my friend Stacy - not only let us use their music, but are handing over their "yet-to-be-released" new stuff. How do you like dem apples?????? I cannot WAIT!

For now.... ENJOY...and PLEASE...share.... (I am bad at sharing too, but just this once, ok?)

http://vimeo.com/1871013

Love,
M

Stay tuned....more to come...

Hey everyone! We are in the process of doing post-interviews, editing the movie, finding distribution channels, updating the facebook "triabetes 2008" page and of course, updating the www.triabetes.org site to reflect the past, present and future.

I'm happy to announce that we will be blogging as we edit the film through the eyes of the filmmaker, Nella Citino. We thought it would be good for you to see the process of what it takes to get the film into production. It was a ton of work to get the movie "in the can." I can't imagine what sweat we will put into the rest of the process.

Keep checking back...there is so much more to come. And in the meantime, please read the athlete's blogs at www.triabetes.org - go to "media", then blog on the right. I know Steve Ahn, Dave Shack, and Peter Nerothin are completely updated!

Thanks for hangin' with us... and if you are interested in being part of the team in 09, give me a shout at curejesse@gmail.com!

Everything Happens for a Reason

So Jesse has a middle-school "girlfriend" named Madeline. 3 days ago she asked what the symptoms were for type 1 diabetes. She just called. She's in the hospital with a blood sugar of 516. She has type 1. Jesse just talked to her to tell her it sucks....she'll be fine....you get used to the shots...I'll help you at school....

Everything happens for a reason but right now, it doesn't feel very good. Yet, I know she is in the best hands......

Twitters, tweets and twhirls are the name of the game

Ok, kids. It's here. Ironman Eve. Yet no champagne? Hm...

Do you want to follow the athletes via computer tomorrow - check out:
http://search.twitter.com/search?q=triabetes

You can watch messages from people out on the course all day! They will be emailing any time they see a Triabetes Athlete on the course! You can join us, wanna know how???

If you are on the course follow these instructions:

Send a text message to phone # 40404
enter message "@triabetes hi michelle"
you will get a message back asking you to confirm by sending your name back.

Any time you see an athlete on the course, do the following:
Send a message to 40404
"@triabetes saw Dave Shack on Midtown"

Whomever you see, let us know! We will follow it and let our videographers know! We need you to make the documentary work. It's late...going to bed. questions? Give us a shout on the comment screen - I'll be checking throughout the day!

I should be in bed...but...

I can't sleep. I just knew it's THE weekend and you might be reading this. It's my Triabetes obligation to make sure you are up to date right? :)

So Thursday many new faces arrived. Matt and I attended the medical meeting for the volunteers put on my Ironman. Matt and I asked questions and made sure the volunteers were aware of the # of people with diabetes there would be on the course. Many of the athletes were worried about the swim. You see, try to envision them putting on their wetsuits inside the building. They walk down the large parking ramp called the "Helix". They put away their dry clothes. They get in line to get in the water with 2500 of their closet seal-bodied friends. Barked at in fact to get in the damn water. They tread for 20 minutes. The gun goes off. They finish the swim anywhere between 1:15-2:20 hours. They get out. Their wetsuit is peeled. They have to run back up the "helix" and get to their stuff.

Imagine you have diabetes. No insulin. No glucose meters. No fast acting sugar. Would you panic that you would be without for up to 3 hours minimum? The good news is we convinced IM to let me man a table right as they get in and out of the water for all of their needs - how COOL is that??? Three cheers for North American Sports!!

Lots of chaos, signing up, chip timing, and I can't believe they gave me a pink swim cap - seriously...really? ME? Sexist....grumble grumble.

But all of the athletes are here. As we all got in to practice the swim this morning I begged Ray to take footage of me with all of the newly buff triabetes athletes with their wetsuits half off - DAMN!! They are RIPPED!!!

Of course everyone did get tired of me oggling the 2000 male triathletes...wow...now there is a place to check out guys! WOOHOO!

My house is full of Ahns....and Stewarts...and I'm staying at the home of the Gorsuch family. 2 bedrooms for me, a bath, and a fridge full of beer. Tearin' up. :)

Tomorrow is the welcome reception - gettin' close....... do you smell it? Ironman finishes to come...