Jesse was here

2/3, the second anniversary of losing Jesse has come and gone and today, 3/3, is here. 3/3 was Jesse's diagnosis date, 12 years ago. Not a day to celebrate, just a day to reflect. So many parents are out there who remember their child's diagnosis date. I can think of two friends who remember the diagnosis date because not only was it the date their child was diagnosed...it was also the day the child died.

Today I remind you to educate others about the symptoms of type 1 diabetes. I think some of us are so close to it that we forget that not everyone knows the symptoms. Teach. Frequent urination, extreme thirst, lethargy, irritability. And most of all trust your gut - if the doctor tells you the child just has the flu...or a virus ASK them to test your child's blood sugar. Children die at onset. I know it first hand.

Let's remember that these children were here, too.

Til We Reach The End of the World

Tomorrow would have been Jesse's 15th birthday. I could stare at that sentence for hours and probably cry and feel sorry for myself. I'm sure I will spend at least 3 minutes tomorrow feeling sorry for myself.

But I get the pleasure of celebrating Jesse's birthday in a way not many others could do in my situation. Let me tell you a story.

When Jesse died a good friend of mine called and wanted to be sure he could fly in for the funeral. You see, Sean Busby was a good friend to Jesse. Jesse looked up to Sean in those early years because Sean was a professional snowboarder with type 1 diabetes who was about to embark on putting together a snowboard camp in Wisconsin with me. Over the years they became more like brothers, calling each other up with stupid one liners or talking about girls.

Brothers.

I asked Sean to deliver the eulogy for Jesse along with Jesse's sister, Samantha. While he stood talking about Jesse in heartfelt words a friend and coworker, Mollie Shambeau, was listening in a church pew and wondering who Sean was.

Over that week Sean and Mollie got to know one another. So much so that Mollie ended up quitting her job and moving to Utah to live with Sean. I can flash forward through this, but let it be known there have been many symbols that Jesse approves of this as songs that remind us of Jesse keep popping at important moments for Sean and Mollie, including the day Sean proposed to Mollie in Iceland. "You and Me" by Dave Matthews Band, a song that Jesse asked me to download just days before he died.

So Sean & Mollie decided to get married - and what date did they pick? The only date available of course in the small town of Waupaca, Wisconsin - September 24, 2011. Jesse's 15th birthday.

I'm looking forward to spending the day not thinking so much about what I've lost, but for what Sean and Mollie gained out of that loss and friendship. I had struggled so hard to come up with a gift for these two after all I certainly can't give them a Pottery Barn gift certificate. I had decided to let Jesse guide me.

One night while sitting on my deck just staring at stars and listening to music alone, it came to me, and with the help of a mom who also has a child with diabetes (of course!) I created what I think is the perfect gift. More to come on that after I hand deliver it tomorrow at their wedding, but I'm pretty sure Jesse picked it out, if you believe in that kind of thing like I do.

The song below reminds me of Jesse in so many ways, and yet is fitting for their wedding also. I hope you all have a good day remembering your time with Jesse. I hope you'll also post some fun memories on his memorial page or my wall.

Congrats Mollie & Sean, and Happy Birthday Eggyolkio...we miss you....


You & Me - Dave Matthews Band
Want to pack your bags something small
Take what you need and we disappear
Without a trace we'll be gone, gone
Moon and the stars will follow the car

And then when we get to the ocean
Gonna take a boat to the end of the world
All the way to the end of the world

Oh and when the kids are old enough, we're gonna teach them to fly

you and me together
We could do anything baby
You and me together yes, yes
You and me together
We could do anything baby
You and me together yes yes

You and I were not tied to the ground
Not falling but rising like rolling around
Eyes closed above the rooftops
Eyes closed we're gonna spin through the stars

Our arms wide as the sky, we're gonna ride the blue

All the way to the end of the world
To the end of the world

Oh and when the kids are old enough, we're gonna teach them to fly

CHORUS

We can always look back at what we did
Always remembering how you and me did
Right now it's you and me forever girl
And you know, we could do better than
anything that we did
You know that you and me
We could do anything


You and me together
We could do anything, baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together yeah, yeah
two of us together, we could do anything baby

It's so small
Till we reach the end of the world

Jessepalooza 2011 Rocked Out

The day was beautiful - hot - but beautiful. Crowds came and went throughout the day - and we realized Keva Sports Center is a perfect place to bring your kids (and still drink beer!) while watching great bands!




Many thanks to our sponsors:
Murphy Desmond Lawyers
Madison Memorial Captain Club
BDO
Centurion Cycling
Residence Inn


The hundreds of companies that donated items to our silent auction and drawings - I KNOW you are inundated with requests - I thank you personally for thinking our cause is important.


To best committee on the planet - Jody Montgomery, Michelle Reddington, Sandy Thompson, Carla Blumer, Shana Kellum, Tonya Tuomi and the many many many volunteers who show up each year to help! Thank you!

To the bands who give selflessly and do not get paid a cent! They come out, they play and they are awesome. My thanks to
The Distractors
The Campaign
Reaul
Bascom Hill


Listening to the kids sing "If you're not living in my world, it sucks to be you" is definitely one of the highlights. And Morgan's new crush on Reaul. :)


Of course many thanks to Diana Henry and John Urban for emceeing each year for me - so appreciated. And to the media including but not limited to BRAVA magazine, 105.5 FM, WKOW 27, Isthmus....you all supported the event and my family thanks you.

To Moira McCarthy who thought take our mile "23" and make it even more special by having people across the world (LITERALLY) not only buy virtual tickets to Jessepalooza, but to raise a glass at 7:23 pm to toast an amazing kid who still seems to be on a mission. Cheers to all of you!

To Tom Karlya for flying in to spend the day and meet the people I've been telling him about...Told ya, man...

I think Joey said it all....we miss you Jesse and we wish you were here. Until next year...

Jessepalooza is looking mighty AWESOME

Join us for a fun-filled day on August 6, 2011 at Keva Sports Center in Middleton to celebrate the life of Jesse Alswager. We have chosen Jessepalooza to be the official event to celebrate his life each year doing what Jesse loved best - rocking out.
We are currently accepting sponsorships and exhibitor space - take a look at jessepalooza.org for updates and a "fact sheet".

We have a great line up of bands that are sure to impress - with family-friendly activities all day and ice-cold Wisconsin beer, why wouldn't you want to come?

Also, stay tuned as we let you know a great way to partner with Centurion Cycling! There will be a kids cycling race that Saturday morning - any child raising $100 for either the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation or the Diabetes Research Institute will get free admission and a free t-shirt!

Feel free to email me at curejesse@gmail.com for sponsorship info!

And life carries on and on and on...

As I type this post the lyrics to Peter Gabriel's song, "I Grieve" come to mind.

I think of all that my family has been through in the last 15 months - changes I would wish upon no one. And yet there has been wonderful things in the midst. And within those changes are Vic and Nicole Kinnunen. Vic just completed Ironman St. George as part of the Triabetes team.

This was an EXTREMELY emotional moment when Vic received the "Cure Jesse" award.... Vic's daughter, Nicole, who is standing with him was also diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes a couple of months ago (his son, with the red shirt, is in the photo also). The "Cure Jesse" award was started in 2008 as the first team of Triabetes embarked on Ironman, awarding it to Jesse & I. It's a beautiful thing to watch new people carry on this tradition in the memory of Jesse. I want to thank all of the athletes for dedicating mile 23 of the run in Jesse's honor. I know he carried you all through.

We all go through many changes in our life, some good, some unimaginable. As I type this I'm embarking on my own life changes of a new house and a new future once again with my amazing kids, Samantha and Joey, starting a new chapter. But life carries on and on and on...

Peace and love my friends.

A year later - we miss you, Jesse.

A new slideshow of our Jesse. If you want the direct link to it on youtube, here it is. Better quality:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnCqxSyNanY

a year of thanks

Thank you to Amy Eager for showing up at my house at 8:30 am on 2/4.

Thank you to Jen Engel for pants.

Thank you to MyMenu for a freezer full of food.

Thank you to Sarah Faust for m&ms, maps of Spain and other things that were so abnormal during grief, it became a relief to receive them.

Thank you to Sean, Sam and Karly for delivering the best eulogies a mom could ask for.

Thank you to every tv and radio station in this town who put aside all political stuff and ALL covered event related to Jesse because in their hearts, they knew the reason was worth it.

Thank you to Econoprint who transformed Mark Gray's caricature of Jesse in to Jessepalooza brand I will be proud to use for all the years to come.

Thanks to Tom Karlya for pulling me into the Diabetes Research Institute and keeping me motivated to do something bigger.

Thank you to my kids for being so damn strong.

Thank you to Charles for getting up that painful day and setting up the memorial fund and having the mental capacity when I didn't.

Thanks to Bob Gorsuch for allowing my family to grieve rather than worrying about how we would pay for a funeral.

Thanks to everyone who came to the Lazy Oaf to help with the memorial fund.

Thanks to the most wonderful six people - Derek, Kye, Paul, Aaron, Andrew and Bob who had the responsibility as pall bearers.

Thanks to all of the 13 year olds who continue to friend me on facebook and allow me a window into Jesse's life as a teen.

Thanks to all my coworkers who tried not to flinch when I was crying in my office trying to get through those early days.

Thanks to all my friends who got on bicycles and rode in Jesse's honor in Death Valley.

Thanks to those at the helm who made 23 a mile of silence for this year and the years to come.

Thanks to Joe Brady for creating a meaningful slideshow and for giving me Jesse's used test strips during my Oscar Drama Moment one mile from the top of Jubilee Pass.

Thanks to Sean Busby for happening to be standing at the Jubilee Pass sign when it was time to put Jesse's test strips down those rusty metal posts and us knowing it will always be there.

Thanks to all at JDRF who had the balls to put politics aside and support me.

Thanks to all of you who keep me motivated to complete my book on this experience.

Thanks to Laura Kuhl who tells me that Jesse misses peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Thank you to anyone who has not expected me to be "normal" because "enough time has gone by" when it hasn't been enough time gone by.

Thank you to the Ohms for helping me understand that time does not erase a person's face, smile and sounds.

Thank you to my old grade school and high school friends who have taken the time to travel to Madison more than once just to make sure I remember how to have fun.

Thank you to John Moore, Anne Findly and Gabby Cezar for being here when I wasn't expecting it.

Thanks to Terese Berceau and the rest of the Wisconsin Assembly for honoring Jesse and I as hometown heroes.

Thanks to Paul and Kye for vowing to always be Joey's big brothers for Jesse.

Thanks to Bill Bathke who's hug meant a lot before he lost his own life this year.

Thanks to my entire ride group for allowing Jesse to be a major part of why we ride even though I know you ride for very personal reasons of your own.

Thanks to national ride coach Tim St Clair for being a big mushy goo when it comes to talking to me.

Thank you to Sara Rankin for opening up about her own son's death to help me through those first days.

Thanks to Jen and Bob for allowing me to call them when it's 2 am and I need someone who gets it, and understands why the ornament aisle hurts like hell.

Thanks to John Flint who said, "Dude, I really don't want to be the guy you write about in your book about the people who say dumb things to you." :)

Thanks to the Judd/Blanchard family for turning the support I had for the loss of their family into helping my family through ours.

Thank you to Jesse for teaching me that I cannot expect someone to be capable of something they are incapable of. (Keeping my anger in check)

Clearly I have forgotten to mention many...so to those I thank you as well. Through it all there have been disappointments, life is full of them after all. But the biggest thank you goes to all of you for never expecting a thank you and for THAT, I thank you.

Reassessing Your Charity

This is my most recent Dlife column about reassessing your charity. Give it a read, it is food for thought.

http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/information/daily_living/Viewpoints/Michelle_Alswager/charity.html

What's Next for Triabetes You Ask?

I had the privilege recently to share the Triabetes documentary with our local JDRF Board of Directors. At the end of the film I was asked (as I am always asked), "What's next for Triabetes?"

I think this footage speaks volumes for a program that continues to inspire. Enjoy. I'm always proud to see smiling kids next to adults wearing Triabetes jerseys.

10 months and counting

Today marks the 10th month since we lost Jesse. It marks 9 years and 10 months that my friend Jill lost her niece, Elizabeth. It marks 289 days for my friend Bryan who lost his wife, Amy, exactly one week after my Jesse. I will never forget getting condolences from Bryan and Amy only to have her ripped away just one week later.

One year ago today Tracy and Deja were ripped away from this world by a heinous act of murder. I did not know them when they died, or in life. Months after their death I learned of a benefit for domestic abuse put on my Tracy's sister, Lisa. I knew both personally and professionally that I wanted to help this family. Their pain impressed upon me how fragile life is - it was the closest I had ever come to truly empathizing with pain. But at the end of the night, I still went home to my "whole" family and still had a normal day. They didn't.

Shortly after the event they held a check presentation and I felt compelled to bring my kids to meet this amazing family - to see that there are other worthy charities besides curing type 1 diabetes - out there. I introduced my kids to many. Weeks later Jesse was gone.

At Jesse's memorial I will never forget turning around and seeing Lisa's entire family there - to support me. Proof that what we give to this world, is given back. I stood with them without words and just literally "felt" the pain and anguish that coursed through them - which was now coursing through me. They knew.

Tonight I lit a candle for Tracy and Deja in my dining room. Some of you already know that Jesse has a way of kind of hanging out with us and he tends to have energy that is palatable in our dining room. Its happened to me on many occasions. I preface the rest with "NO I have not completely lost my mind, no I am certainly not a Jesus freak I just know now from my own experience that Jesse still exists and I can't ignore that and have just a little bit of peace knowing there's more to this crazy ride than some of the shit handed to us on earth." :) With that said I lit the candle quietly. As I stood the energy changed in the room - something I would have not noticed before Jesse died - and I watched the bright candle go down to the smallest flame. No draft, no wind just me and the room as I watched the candle once again flicker brightly and felt the energy move on.

It is times like these, I can trudge a little bit forward. It is bittersweet to hang the stockings (including Jesse's) and to find joy in the holidays (and not beat some cheery-butthole buying presents for their kids), but I am doing my best. (what?! I would have said something like cheery-butthole before this happened, I'm still ME for God's sake!)

Tonight I wish peace to the Judd family, to Bryan, to Jill, to Bob & Jen, to Charlie and Mel (and little Ella), to Jane, and Deb and to the rest of you who I hope more than you can ever know, never feel what we feel.

Love to all and if I don't get to another blog post, peace and love through the holidays.

xo
Michelle

My Take on "6 Things You Need to Know About Diabetes"

Today is "D-Blog Day". Started in 2005 during Diabetes Awareness Month it was created to create more awareness for diabetes.

I've watched all my "blog-colleagues" (I wonder if that is in wikipedia yet?) post about the bad things....and the myths and the struggles.

So my take is going to be a little different. Bear with me.


1. Diabetes builds character.
The people I know with diabetes are some of the finest human beings on the planet. Whether they have diabetes, or have a child with diabetes they care deeply about one another. They live their lives to the fullest and teach us about compassion, strength and love.

2. Diabetes makes you do crazy things.
Yes, like creating a documentary when you have no experience in film. Or ride your bike 105 miles through a desert. Or do an Ironman.

3. Diabetes makes you forget about other health problems.
Yes, for instance when Jesse was six months old we discovered he had a congenital birth defect of his left eye (no nerves on the left side so he couldn't look left). Or perfect baby was no longer perfect. With the onset of diabetes and his adaptive nature to learning how to turn his head so no one noticed his eye, we almost completely forgot it existed! Yes, folks, diabetes put perspective on other pain.

4. Diabetes pisses me off so much that other things seem small in comparison.
What? I didn't get a raise? My daughter missed the school bus? Dinner won't be ready until 7 pm? Yes, thank you diabetes for helping me to not sweat the small stuff.

5. Diabetes got me active in politics.
Oh, diabetes, you launched my political career - I mean before you, did I care about embryonic stem cell research or know what the NIH was or meet with legislators?


So you might be sensing hostility at this point. Maybe. But #6 has meaning.

1. I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for diabetes.
When Jesse was diagnosed with diabetes 10 years ago my life path - and career path - was much different. My passion to find a cure led me to working as an executive director for two diabetes organizations and then onto my current position at BRAVA Magazine (I had met the owner of the magazine when her son was diagnosed with diabetes). And I love my job. I love the people in my life. And I am blessed to know all of you.

Miles 23 -in memory of Jesse in Death Valley

On 2/2/2010 I sat at the dinner table with my family. I had recently been talked into doing the JDRF Ride to Cure Diabetes by my friend, Tim Kritter. He said it was time to return from my self-imposed exile. We decided on the Lake Tahoe ride because we hadn't been there - after all, I had already been to Death Valley 4 times. Charles was teasing me about going to Tahoe - he and Jesse relentlessly teased me about my love for the ride party. Of course I got totally upset and then Jesse said, "Mom. Seriously, you need to chill. We know what you do for me with diabetes." We hung out and had a great night watching Kindergarten Cop together. In the morning he told me he wasn't feeling great. No big deal - a bad 'd' day. While I got ready for work I created my fundraising page and emailed it to all of my friends and family for donations. I said to them that it was time for me to get back in the saddle because diabetes doesn't rest for Jesse, why should I?

He died that day.

I can't explain the strong pull I had to return to the Valley. I called my friends and said, "forget Tahoe, we need to go back." On the day of his funeral, we all made the switch to return. And a new journey began.

The 8 months it took to get from that moment to the hot sand and stark beauty of the desert were more brutal than you can ever imagine. Each day was a challenge - not training, no, just being alive and missing him. I was surrounded by friends and watched them one by one sign up to join me in Death Valley.

As we trained we ordered special jerseys - Godspeed Jesse jerseys. They arrived in time for us all to bring with us to Furnace Creek. Upon arriving at the ranch I see friends not just from my chapter but Anne Findlay from San Fran, Sue Morgan "Carmel Sue" of Utah, Mike Crowley of Milwaukee, Jerry Jorgensen of Little Rock, not to forget Triabetes athlete Jerry Nairn whom I never met yet was there to ride for my little man and the best faces in the world to finally see - Bob and Jen Nicholson. You see, I met Jen and Bob shortly after 3/25 - which sadly is the day their 14 year old son, Trent, died from diabetes. A bond was made during those horrible weeks and seeing them after months of phone calls and emails it was like we had known each other for years. And watching my friends embrace them as their own was overwhelming.

Tim St. Clair surprised me the Friday evening before the ride by dedicating a mile of silence in Jesse's honor and the announcement that the mile would continue for years to come to recognize all that are lost to this disease. It was also a strange honor to receive the top recruiter jersey and set a new record for most recruits. Joy mixed with a lot of pain.

Before the sun rose we made our way to breakfast me dragging Charles along for his first experience. I was worried how he would react - would he see the beauty of this experience? Would he feel the way I did in 2004, the almost spiritual journey out to Jubilee Pass? We donned our Jesse jerseys and made it to the starting line. Quickly it was decided by my team that we would stop at mile 23 as a team - no matter what - all together to honor Jesse.

As we sped down to Badwater we laughed and smiled and enjoyed the stark beauty and the love for one another. It was a literal Jesse train, his smiling face everywhere. It was beautiful. We all got off our bikes - someone made a cross with rocks - to this day I don't know who. We gathered for a photo as I watched Sandy Thompson cry and I said, "No. Not now. Not today. Today we push forward and we are strong." The heaviness was quickly broken by Jerry Jorgensen, a comical man with diabetes when he crouched down to test his blood sugar and screamed, "Oh my God! I'm bleeding! I'm bleeding!" (he was 68 by the way, way to check Jerry!).


As the photos are snapped we rode off together in a sea of Jesse's. I caught up to Bob Nicholson in our silence. A nod, a painful smile and a knuckle-bump for Trent and Jesse.

We break out to mile 24 with the sun breaking along the next alluvial fan and we change our gears to enjoy this brutally hot yet beautiful day that even forced the one lone coyote into the shade of one roadside sign.

For those of you who have been to Death Valley you know the ascent to Jubilee Pass is difficult, relentless, hot and well - UPHILL for six miles. 113 degrees on the bike computers this particular year, to be exact. You bring that gear down and you crank. I am no stranger to it as I had climbed 4 times prior. But this particular year my body said "no." Halfway up I find myself walking. And angry with myself. I'm hot. I'm pissed off. My two coaches Joe Brady and Dan Rotert are circling me like caring buzzards. My mind is racing as they point out cloud formations to distract my pain and overexertion. I laugh out loud and say to Joe, "Are you KIDDING me? You are pointing out clouds? Dude! I'm the one who is usually doing this to others on this climb, you can't fool me!" More pain and frustration. With one mile to go up I simply give up. I can't make it. I'm holding tightly a vial of two used test strips. I had brought them from home. I hand them to Joe and say, "take them. I can't do it. You know what you need to do." But something took over. I had a goal, I was going to get there.

This isn't a story of some courageous last climb. Nope. Instead its a story of finding a sag wagon to put my sorry ass in. But the beauty of that moment is I'm so relieved that I will make it to Jubilee that I start helping others who are sagging to the top, I ask them where they are from, I help load up their bikes, I get them water from the sag wagon to relieve us from drinking the hot water in our bottles. I'm back! The "me" is back!

At the top of Jubilee I see friends Mollie Shambeau and Sean Busby overheated and waiting. There's Amy Eager and Bob Gorsuch. And here comes Sandy Thompson and Craig Midtlein climbing. Jeremy Scherbert, Chris Rotert...the gang is here. We get up to the sign and with tears and hugs Sean and I nod and place a used test strip down the rusty metal poles of the Jubilee Pass sign knowing a true part of Jesse will remain there forever.

You might also think this story should end with me getting a second wind and getting my butt back to the ranch. Again, no. But it was just as glorious. As I coast back down to Ashford Mills I pick up Sandy Thompson and say "I'm done, sag please." I get in the car of Cheryl Sargeant, volunteer cheer. I look in the mirror and see what everyone was concerned about - white blisters have formed all over my face - I have sun poisoning. I made a good choice. We drive awhile and pick up a tired Sean Busby. I can tell you, however, that sagging in with Cheryl, Sandy and Sean was amazing and leaning out the car to cheer my amazing teammates through was worth every second. It was not failure.

The reat of the story is the same for everyone - beauty of crossing the finish, hugging those who are out there for the first time and knowing they will be back. I think most of Charles who came into this unsure of whether or not he enjoyed cycling who didn't really "get it" 100%...but after his journey and we were home he said, "I want to do this next year and be trained and hammer this thing and be in by 2 pm." Yeah baby....welcome to the itch.



I am a proud JDRF Ride to Cure Diabetes Rider and I look forward to my next journey with the new group of new friends and old friends. I think you should join me.

Godspeed Jesse, you were in our hearts the whole ride.

10 years - almost... 3/3 has arrived

IN HONOR OF JESSE PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO AND SPREAD TO YOUR FRIENDS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPDS2V1AF9w&feature=channel


Tonight as I write I am sad. A month ago tonight, might life was "right". Great job, great people, loving family. I had just had dinner with Jesse and had just snuggled in to watch Kindergarten Cop. We sent Joey off to bed and finished the movie. I shewed him off to bed because he had school in the morning.

The next day he was gone.

I'm not alone in missing him. Countless others. Nothing more heartbreaking than watching 13 years old miss their friend. Sisters and a brother...a dad...its horrible.

3/3 is tomorrow. Diagnosis dates are an anniversary we all remember. I will be wearing my 3/3 hat tomorrow in remembrance of Jesse's sad anniversary. I will be going out to eat with his close friends, his dad, my kids, and of course Charles and our friends. Together. Funny how something like this makes you forget all the other things.

Samantha, his sister, and her friend Karly filmed this video just weeks before he died for a school project. What you don't see off camera is how he fought with us and didn't want to film it - he was SO tired of talking about his diabetes.

This is how I will forever remember my Jesse. We love you little man. Your heart is big, your smile bigger. Love, Mom

A note from Jesse

So I haven't had the best day. I would call it a "beating myself up" day. I finally go to the mailbox to find a letter from his teacher. Her note says:

Hi, Michelle. Here's Jesse's writing assessment - so sweet!"

It goes on to tell me that his items await me at school that they cleaned out his locker and that they have created a display case set up as a memorial to Jesse and that kids stop by it every day to pay respects.

I open up his assessment and know full well that Jesse sent it to me in his own little handwriting. It goes like this:

My mom is a very courageous person. She does many things to show how courageous she is. She always does brave things to make my life easier, even if they are difficult.

My mom's name is Michelle Alswager. She always does things to help me. One of the biggest things is she applied for a job at JDRF, a place where they raise money for research about diabetes. She got the job and helped a lot in the community.

My mom is also courageous for her athleticism. In 2006, she began intense training to bike one-hundred and five miles in Death Valley, California. She would bike sixty-five miles every week about three times. She went to Death Valley and completed the one-hundred and five miles in the desert. She enjoyed it so much that she did it four more times!

Then she wanted a harder challenge. SHe decided to attempt Ironman, Madison, WI, a triathlon. Except she couldn't swim and she didn't run. But that did not stop her. She began swimming lessons and started running. She finished Ironman on time. I was so proud!

She is currently working on a making a documentary. It is about people with diabetes doing Ironman. She is working so hard on it. It is almost done. The documentary has taken about two years of filming and will play around the world in film festivals when it is done.

This year my mom got a new job at Brava Magazine. She wanted the job so much! Unfortunately, Brava closed down but my mom gathered her co-workers and planned a way to save the business. They found a new owner and saved Brava. Those are some reasons why my mom is a very courageous person!
____________

It was like getting the biggest hug on the planet....

For those of you who never met Jesse

Jesse did a lot of advocacy in his 13 years. Please enjoy these short commercials he filmed with his good friend, Aaron Liebe (also diagnosed at age 3) over the years to support a fundraiser called "thunder run". If you can get through the commercials, please enjoy the beginning of the outtakes. I smile EVERY time because listening to him talk about bugs, and his shirt that is too big, and Aaron screwing up his lines...THAT was Jesse.

Life Sentence - Jesse Alswager passes away at age 13

I don't have words. But I know I have to give you some. It has now been 10 days since Jesse died unexpectedly to complications of his type 1 diabetes. Tonight my family - now only 4 - went to dinner to try to feel some sense of normalcy...

Those first few days I kept saying to everyone in a fog, "How can I go on telling people its not a death sentence? I've lied to them..."

Joe Brady, a good friend and a Triabetes athlete showed up the next day with a poem he claims was written with divine intervention. Framed, it sits next to me, I write it below:

Life Sentence

Did I say these words to a hundred,
a thousand parents?

"My name is Michelle Alswager
and my son, like your child, has type 1 diabetes
but don't worry,
it's not a death sentence."

My son Jesse, so little, diagnosed at age three
and so early gone at thirteen
I ask myself, what will I tell the parents now?
With eyes closed, I see my son..and know the answer:

Refuse with me to feel sorry for him
For he lived his diagnosis as a life sentence
with no time limit guarantee.

A life sentence to celebrate his days
touching others with his smile and patient ways
chilling with his school friends and neighbors
advocating with Governor, Congress, and doctors to find the cure.

Hanging with Dad at neighborhood parties
loving music, playing his sweet-sounding life melody
carving sharp, crisp lines with Sean on snowy slopes
laughing with brother and sisters at mom's corny jokes.

For him, beating the disease was to never
compromise, yield, submit or succumb
to an affliction whose victories
are counted with each lost possibility and
"can't do 'cause I've got type 1."

Never did he say "pity me" or "it's not fair"
Instead we heard "what's next?" and "let's go" and "cool!"
as he lived his life sentence.

So Please hear me, dear parent with newly diagnosed type 1,
not once did my son yield, submit or succumb
his life was rich, vibrant, a celebration...
Jesse didn't lose - he won.

~Joe Brady

Godspeed Jesse. We keep fighting for you and mom misses you and wishes you were here.

The Science of Inspiration: Diabetes and Athletes

So the question I hear the most right now: "WHEN can I see the Triabetes documentary???!!!"

So the Triabetes project has official been named in the documentary as: "The Science of Inspiration: Diabetes and Athletes". I trust Nella's genius on this - she's the one with the emmy awards, not I!

We are now entering the documentary into film festivals. While doing so, most of them request that we not show the documentary to the public until its gone through the festival process.

Hang tight. It's coming! But we'd like the doc to get the credit it deserves, mama would like a new trophy on her shelf and I don't mean bowling.

This Damn Thing Needs a Title

Wowser. What anticipation it was to have the not-so-rough "rough cut" in my hot little hands from Nella Citino. I drove over straight from work to pick up the dvd. I could tell she was nervous to hand it over.

I brought it home and threw everything else aside so I could watch it. Charles joined me.

I watched all 50 minutes getting caught up in what others will think. I know people with diabetes will learn from it. I know triathletes will enjoy it. But what about the mom of a newly diagnosed type 1 kid? What will she get from it? And what will someone get from it who isn't touched by diabetes or the crazy sickness called Ironman that some of us possess?

I held it together pretty well until the credits. What's funny, is the credits only say exactly that - "Credits". But in between each dark screen glared wonderful memories of the past two years.

Charles turned it off and said, "that was really good, Michelle." I got up to excitedly call Nella to tell her that fears of us not liking it were silly. I got through about 10 seconds before I blubbered. Like a big baby. Now if you know me at all - I am not the touchy feely girly type. So after I hung up and had a huge overwhelming cry...I cracked up hard. At myself.

I felt like I had some therapeutic epiphany. What was it I was feeling? I was feeling over 2 years of love for a project and a group of people that I care about. I'll be the first to admit since the athletes crossed the finish line and Peter & John have taken the Triabetes team to the next level...and ready to take it to even another level...I have sat back a little waiting for Nella to do her magic. Not exactly a disconnect from the project, but just a waiting process. The emotion I felt was crazy.

My brain went back to 3 major events in my life. Okay, maybe 5?
1. March 3, 2000, Jesse's little tired body, with salt-rimmed lips, getting his finger poked for the very first time. Age 3. How would I cope with this?

2. Picking up a bicycle to ride in the name of diabetes. January 2004, my first Ride to Cure Diabetes where I met this crazy diabetic named Stacy Cook. And this guy named Mike Runnels who had no connection to the disease and yet was choosing to ride for someone he cared about. I didn't know that these two people would become my best friends not only in riding, but in life, who have stuck with me through this project.

3. Signing up for my first Ironman. And thinking, "if a dude with diabetes can do this, I can do this." I did. Step 3 catapulted me into thinking people with diabetes need help getting to the finish line.

4. Dreaming up a documentary in a coffee shop with no experience in film, only a passion about the people I cared about with diabetes.

5. Today. 10 years later, so many names, faces, stories...all of us still working together to make life do-able until the cure.

I end this blog post with a moment of laughter for me. After the intro of the documentary, there is a really cool screen shot that moved me personally because the shot contained very personal items of mine related to this journey. Clearly this was the title shot of the movie. And what did Nella write?

"This Damn Thing Needs a Title."

So very near the finish line.....thanks for waiting for us at 11:52 pm as we finish strong together.

38 miles on your bike makes you think

Ugh. Seriously...UGH. I have neglected my body and my bike for way too long. Work has been so busy (yes I know you are the choir and I am preaching) that I have stopped doing what makes me feel the best - cycling.

It's almost November and if you have ever been to Wisconsin you know that a day like today can be 20 degrees and a blizzard, or you can luck out and it is 62 degrees and sunny. Today was one of those days.

I took the time to put air in the tires (I'm embarrassed to tell you they were down to like 30 lbs each), get the water bottles, and saddle up with my newly reshuffled itunes mix (Black Eyed Peas and I Got a Feeling will launch you over any hill) and hit the road to Paoli. As I biked on I got lost in my thoughts. Work this, work that, celebrities this, exhibitors that. Then it went to the Triabetes premiere, donations rolling in to launch us that last bit...

The leaves were crunching under my tires (I could hear it in between Beautiful day by U2 and While I was jamming to Switch by Will Smith) and finally caught myself smiling.

Signing up with a huge group of fantastic type 1 ladies to do Ironman Lake Placid '11....well today that did not seem out of reach. In fact, it seemed important to set myself on that path.

Today is a good day.

In the Studio!!!!!!!!

We are in the studio again!



Hello, we're back! What a fun day! Brian Foster, participant in the Triabetes documentary, flew in this morning to narrate the film. A few props were put in place, mic checks, ironing, and read-throughs and we were off!

Nella Citino and Ray Ibsen of Andiamo Productions directed Brian through the camera work and we had so much fun giggling through the outtakes (believe me, there were many). Charles' new bike (see previous post) ended up being the backdrop to the entire shoot and it looked pretty cool. We go through the filming and then after some lunch, hit the voice-overs. Just hearing Brian retell the story was goosebump worthy!

Back to the house for dinner and a quick clean up as not only my family is coming over for Easter, but Charles' family AND Brian along with the entire Andiamo family crew! I haven't really counted, but I think that's about 22 people...... looking forward to hanging out and talking about the rough cut that is about to be prepared.

I smell a documentary about to be born.... stay tuned (and please, God, I hope Ray uses that footage of me acting like Molly Shannon, shouting "SUPERSTAR!". I think it was Oscar worthy.